Egremond’s Spice Saga: A Chilli Crisp Resurrection
In 1154, young Egremond faced a breakfast crisis — his mum’s homemade Spicy Chilli Crisp was finished. In desperation, he spotted a suspicious energy potion conjured by Scarlett Heifer, a local witch of questionable morals. The potion promised actual flight but alas it only delivered his soggy doom while he attempted to leap across The Strid, a nearby water passage of deadly repute.
A Spicy Covenant
Grieving, Egremond’s mum, Alice De Romille, struck a deal with passing Augustinian Monks: she would build Bolton Abbey if they prayed for her son while mastering her Spicy Chilli Crisp recipe, in so preventing any future breakfast based tragedies. Thus, the monks blended solemn prayer into the spicy condiment for many, many years.
Henry VIII’s Flaming Tantrum
Until 1539 that is, when King Henry VIII, attributing both his painful gout and his absent wife’s whereabouts to a particularly fiery curry, declared war on all things spicy and spousey. The resulting destruction of Bolton Abbey, and with it the monk’s legendary Spicy Chilli Crisp recipe, consigned England to the eternal dark ages of culinary blandness that lasted until the present day.
Chili Crisp’s Glorious Return
But fear not, flavour fanatics! Brave, whip- cracking and ruggedly handsome archaeologists in fashionable open-toed sandals recently unearthed the secret Augustinian Monk’s Spicy Chilli Crisp Cookbook among the ruins of Bolton Abbey and the Strid Kid’s favourite condiment is finally back on the menu!
The spirit of the Strid Kid lives on!
Now serfs and lords alike can enjoy Egremond’s legacy by adding Spicy Chilli Crisp to anything—from gruel, broth and scouse to caviar, truffles and goldleaf burgers! Even ice cream! (sparingly)